email to my Sister
Topic: the last birthday card that Uncle Chris sent Grandma Lil
Question: do you remember the wording of the card?
I remember that it was a joke card with a crack inside about how old she was getting. I remember that she enjoyed complaining bitterly about it for weeks. I remember that she was plotting to get him a really insulting card for his next birthday and that he died before his next birthday, viciously depriving her of the opportunity to get her own back.
Sadly, I no longer remember the wording of the card. It's sad when family legends deteriorate.
If you don't remember, I'll have to start reading birthday cards, looking for one that would fit.
Showing posts with label Uncle Chris. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Uncle Chris. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
post 6.2.0.0 She Had Him Committed
She had him committed.
'she' is uncle Chris's third wife. There was an undercurrent of disapproval when his sisters discussed it, as if having a third wife was a sign, right there, that he was not showing good judgement in the ordering of his life. As a child I just accepted the disapproval. It fit in with my dad's disapproval of Chris, so it was familiar.
Later, it dawned on me that one of the disapproves had been married three times, the third marriage being a bad enough idea that it could be annulled. And she had been bad enough at being married that she had gone on to just live with a series of at least two men instead of marrying. That last in the fifties when that sort of thing just wasn't done.
Very later, I learned that both of the disapproving sisters were pregnant when they first married. Or maybe didn't marry, in the case of Aunt M. (Not Great Aunt M - she was sensitive about her age, too, and just aunt was simpler.) Just recently, I learned that grandma had an ongoing thing for servicemen.
But back to uncle Chris's third wife. She was a Mormon, which was an excuse to disapprove, right there. That was the expected thing in those times. That was one thing to disapprove of.
He converted to make her happy. Or she demanded that he convert. Or something. That was another thing to disapprove of. The idea being that you were supposed to be dedicated to your brand of religion and switching was a sign that you didn't show proper reverence or devotion, or that you could be led by your pecker or were pussy whipped, although they didn't actually say the last two out loud, at least not with me around.
A third point of complaint was that he kept asking for genealogy information. I'm not sure if the main reason that was offensive was that it would go to the Mormon genealogy files, when they weren't Mormon; or if he was presuming to ask for the information when they weren't talking to him; or if he was demanding the information instead of asking nicely; or if he asked and then started nagging when it didn't come fast enough; or some combination of the above.
I don't remember any complaints about the Mormons baptizing dead ancestors in absentia, but that could just mean that the small child that I was at the time didn't understand the concept enough to take it in. It's not like I was paying particular attention to the disapproval of arguing or commiserating adults around me. They were always disapproving about something.
But back to the third wife.
After he converted for her, and after he annoyed his relatives for her, and after (insert trombone sound to represent the speech of adults a la peanuts), she went and had him committed in a mental asylum and divorced him while he was in it. I remember a certain smugness which seemed to imply that someone from the abused family that he had turned his back on had had to get him sprung. Not that I remember specifics. I couldn't even tell you third wife's name.
Of, course, by the time they were discussing this around me, he had been sprung and divorced for a long time and they only referred to her as Chris's third wife. I'm pretty sure they didn't remember her name by then.
'she' is uncle Chris's third wife. There was an undercurrent of disapproval when his sisters discussed it, as if having a third wife was a sign, right there, that he was not showing good judgement in the ordering of his life. As a child I just accepted the disapproval. It fit in with my dad's disapproval of Chris, so it was familiar.
Later, it dawned on me that one of the disapproves had been married three times, the third marriage being a bad enough idea that it could be annulled. And she had been bad enough at being married that she had gone on to just live with a series of at least two men instead of marrying. That last in the fifties when that sort of thing just wasn't done.
Very later, I learned that both of the disapproving sisters were pregnant when they first married. Or maybe didn't marry, in the case of Aunt M. (Not Great Aunt M - she was sensitive about her age, too, and just aunt was simpler.) Just recently, I learned that grandma had an ongoing thing for servicemen.
But back to uncle Chris's third wife. She was a Mormon, which was an excuse to disapprove, right there. That was the expected thing in those times. That was one thing to disapprove of.
He converted to make her happy. Or she demanded that he convert. Or something. That was another thing to disapprove of. The idea being that you were supposed to be dedicated to your brand of religion and switching was a sign that you didn't show proper reverence or devotion, or that you could be led by your pecker or were pussy whipped, although they didn't actually say the last two out loud, at least not with me around.
A third point of complaint was that he kept asking for genealogy information. I'm not sure if the main reason that was offensive was that it would go to the Mormon genealogy files, when they weren't Mormon; or if he was presuming to ask for the information when they weren't talking to him; or if he was demanding the information instead of asking nicely; or if he asked and then started nagging when it didn't come fast enough; or some combination of the above.
I don't remember any complaints about the Mormons baptizing dead ancestors in absentia, but that could just mean that the small child that I was at the time didn't understand the concept enough to take it in. It's not like I was paying particular attention to the disapproval of arguing or commiserating adults around me. They were always disapproving about something.
But back to the third wife.
After he converted for her, and after he annoyed his relatives for her, and after (insert trombone sound to represent the speech of adults a la peanuts), she went and had him committed in a mental asylum and divorced him while he was in it. I remember a certain smugness which seemed to imply that someone from the abused family that he had turned his back on had had to get him sprung. Not that I remember specifics. I couldn't even tell you third wife's name.
Of, course, by the time they were discussing this around me, he had been sprung and divorced for a long time and they only referred to her as Chris's third wife. I'm pretty sure they didn't remember her name by then.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
post 6.1.0.0 Grandma and the Birthday Card
This is the story about Uncle Chris and Grandma L and the birthday card. I can't tell it though, without thinking about my father and hid constant comments about both of them. When he spoke of his relatives, he always spoke with contempt and warning. I won't talk about that here. But it comforts me to know that you know that the whole time I'm writing this, I'm hearing his disapproving voice in the back of my mind.
Uncle Chris was a difficult person. I never met him, and I remember no stories of bad behavior. But every relative he had had all but stopped speaking to him. that was helped by the fact that he lived in another state.
He did, however, send Grandma birthday cards, and Christmas cards, I suppose. One year he sent Grandma a joke birthday card. Now you have to know that Grandma was touchy about her age. She never spoke of it. She hated any sign of or reference to growing old. And the punch line of the birthday card was a crack about how old she was getting.
Oh, she was livid. She couldn't stand or sit still when she was talking about it. She'd bustle about, fluffing out like a threatened hen and greaching for things to tidy or crumbs to smooth off the table onto the floor while she complained. Of course, since she enjoyed drama, she enjoyed being livid and offended and her performance of complaining bitterly about his transgression became polished over the weeks and months that she presented the role.
She was going to get him back. He wasn't sensitive about his age. Of course a man wouldn't be. But they made lots of cards and she had time to read them all and find the exact one to get his goat. She was going to show him.
Then he died before his next birthday.
She was offended. She went on and on as if that had been his plan all along. It just wasn't fair that he did that to her - robbed her of her chance to get even.
I'm pretty sure it never occurred to her that it might sound strange to anyone else. Her brother died and not only is she not sad, she's complaining about how it's inconveniencing her.
Uncle Chris was a difficult person. I never met him, and I remember no stories of bad behavior. But every relative he had had all but stopped speaking to him. that was helped by the fact that he lived in another state.
He did, however, send Grandma birthday cards, and Christmas cards, I suppose. One year he sent Grandma a joke birthday card. Now you have to know that Grandma was touchy about her age. She never spoke of it. She hated any sign of or reference to growing old. And the punch line of the birthday card was a crack about how old she was getting.
Oh, she was livid. She couldn't stand or sit still when she was talking about it. She'd bustle about, fluffing out like a threatened hen and greaching for things to tidy or crumbs to smooth off the table onto the floor while she complained. Of course, since she enjoyed drama, she enjoyed being livid and offended and her performance of complaining bitterly about his transgression became polished over the weeks and months that she presented the role.
She was going to get him back. He wasn't sensitive about his age. Of course a man wouldn't be. But they made lots of cards and she had time to read them all and find the exact one to get his goat. She was going to show him.
Then he died before his next birthday.
She was offended. She went on and on as if that had been his plan all along. It just wasn't fair that he did that to her - robbed her of her chance to get even.
I'm pretty sure it never occurred to her that it might sound strange to anyone else. Her brother died and not only is she not sad, she's complaining about how it's inconveniencing her.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Post 6.0.0.0 Beware of People Filling in Your Family Tree
Uncle Chris
I'm reading an article on why Romney's Mormonism should be taken into account when deciding whether or not to vote for him. The article, by Nathan Nebeker, contributor to the Business Insider's political blog, says: " . . . public knowledge of Mormonism is limited to some superficial cultural impressions, with an underlying feeling of vague suspicion.
My mind being an associative jumping monkey, I immediately think of my own family's suspicions regarding Mormonism and then I think of Uncle Chris. The monkey keeps jumping to Grandma L and her sisters, my Great Aunts, and their closed ranks around 'don't tell Uncle Chris' when I started asking questions about my family for a high school biology assignment. (Further monkey jumps: the birthday card, the sewing machine, she had him committed, an image of Grandma's dining room, and 'damn, they're almost all dead now.)
The assignment was to trace three heritable traits through three generations. I think I had eye color, hair color, and something else - maybe height. But Grandma pulled out a genealogy that a second or third cousin had researched. She had sent Grandma a copy because she had been so helpful and supportive. And Grandma was relative proud and jumped at the chance to talk about them, about her mother especially. That was OK. I was happy to overdo assignments.
The cousin lived in Iowa and we all lived in southern California. With Grandma helping out with information about her (Grandma's) mother and other relatives of that generation, and offering to do the leg work to get the basics on everyone in California, Cousin got enough information about us collaterals to keep her from asking anyone else and maybe finding out a few things about Grandma and her kids and grandkids that she didn't want the relatives back in Iowa to know.
I had to ask my parents about a couple of things and found out about a couple of folks no longer in contact with anyone (except maybe Grandma - she had an odd penchant for finding excuses to keep contacts with people secret from each other) due to divorce, annulment, non-payment of child support, and such.
Oddly, if she'd just left those people out of the charts, instead of trying to shoehorn them in where they obviously didn't belong, I'd never have asked what the heck was going on. Grandma had a habit of being clever like that, and of telling us about her being clever. (His big feet will step on your toys - microwaving the book - they're pin-on curls - it was my sewing machine, he was just making a few payments on it because they were borrowing it) She never seemed to consider that bragging about the effective lie she thought of telling to get her way could possibly cause anyone to perhaps not take the advice and information she was always promoting as gospel.
The genealogy was the first experience with her misinformation that stood out in my mind. After that, I noticed when she did it, noticed it as deliberate misinformation instead of, say, an odd way of thinking or a bad idea or a quick urge that shouldn't have been followed immediately, but thought over some more. She did have an established MO of providing bad information, and different bad information to different people. She did think it was clever. She approved of it. She bragged about it when she thought it went well. What a clever girl.
She bragged/declaimed about how accurate her gut feelings were and how she had learned not to discount her impulses. She saw her whims as mystic revelations from the future. But the lesson of follow your urge was supported by one single story, and that was a case of either mother's intuition (which is not mystic, nor from the future) or a simple coincidence. From that, all her urges became sacred. Her urges forestalled danger and should be acknowledged and appreciated for the gift that they were instead of dismissed or opposed or mislabeled as meddling or manipulation.
- She and her sisters had a habit of declaiming in competition with each other
- arguments about family favorites.
- gossiping just like a grown up
- Uncle Lonny and laying on of hands
- how old were we when Uncle Lonny had his accident? Cause Mom said that they stopped drinking after that. And if they were drinking, maybe Dad had more than an emotional and convenience reason to keep us sequestered from them.
727 words plus about 1100 last night. That puts me over the daily quota.
727 words plus about 1100 last night. That puts me over the daily quota.
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